and the truth is i really do miss you

well its been almost 5 months actoully tomrrow will be 5 months i belive
i have relized it happned for a reason
but then you drop some big knews on me
and then all the memories come crashing down
i rember the first time you cried when you told us you loved us
i remeber the time you stood on the stage and told us how much you cared
i remember in you car when i promised you i wouldnt leave my house
i remember my last hug with you
i remember soo much
and have soo much
to say
but am afraid
of making you cry
of making things worse
of getting us into trouble
but what am i suppose to do?
i cant do this
i cant take much more
i hope you dont read this
because i know what will happen....

-shelby

forever love

forever i will search
and forever i will never find
forever i will love
forever i will care
forever i will never find forever love until i find
the only foever love witch is Him!

the last of my fun fun summer!!

today i spent all day hanging out with the guy mikey and the girl mikey and we hung out down at the paddle boats because thats where the guy mikey works and he said he would let us jump in at the end of the day(in miller parks lake) soo we stayed there until the end and jumped in and i was wearing jeans sooo i couldnt lift my self up out of the lake becuase of the water in and on my jeans (i am very weak) and soo the guy mikey picked me up out of the water.... and yah it was soo much fin we jumped in like 20 times!
my hair smelled really bad after ward and soo did the girl mikeys and yah and we got a picture of us jumping in holding hands me and girl mikey and leslie and bri and it is soo cute but yah it was really cold under the water and i was scared a fishy was gonna eat me toes!!
i am really sun burned and my momyelled at me becuase i didnt wear sun screen and apreaently we have skin cancer in our family on both sides soo yah but i was like what ever

SCHOOL

school isnt going to well
my locker was jamned for to days
i didnt know we had home work
i have been sick
i am in the wrong math class becuase i dont understand
my english teacher is boring
and i have to write fun things
i havent really been cussing actouly maybe ounce or twice this whole week and 2 days lol
but that is really good
i dont have friends on all my clases
i miss chassidy and dimond
i want them to be in b
i love you girls
instead i am with emerald who is being a trder
i hate school


Lord-shine your light in.

slipping

slipping
into the dakness
into their plan
slipping out of Gods hands
where am i going
i dont know
thats the probelm
my life is rollar coaster
along with my faith
i love it ounce
and hate it twice
i am slipping into his arms
where i dont belong
its all just hitting me
hitting me hard
how much i had changed
and now i am slipping
slipping away
no one can hold on to me
but God
but he sint
he is letting me slip
how is that possible???
is it true??
that i need you?

shelby koestner

p.s. the picture is not me.

this is the way i see you i love you i hear you i need you your best friend!

this song is to a girl named sabrina
i love her!
she is my best friend
my hero
she 's just that girl(lol)
i feel like she is telling me everything in this song that he is saying
she is allways there
and has never left
i believe that she cares!
i love you
dont forget about me!
-shelby!

meet my mama ande

this is my mama andee
she is the mom of me and courtney and amber and mikey
and just wednesday i found out we are not allowed to talk to her anymore
well you know what
we are gonna get you back
becuase we love you
they say your job was suffering
what if we suffer
i love you
its not your fault
i just wanna talk
but they took you away
were gonna fight
for you
no matter how much toruble i get in i will get you back.

come to you

i come to you
all broken down
your big and strong
I'm weak and small
i didn't know where i was
going
where i was gonna be
but then i came to you
(chorus)
o God
i come to You
i lay me down
i am Yours
take me over
just take my sin away
O God forgive me
O God i live for You


you could have backed down
you could have said no
but you died
for me
i wanna be like you
I'm done with being broken
(chorus)
i am yours
i am yours
i am yours
Lord i am yours
my heart belongs
to you
in all i do i will praise you
Lord i come to you

this is me this real this everything i wanna be.

i am just girl
just girl in this big world
being sucked in'
wanting to be like them
having all this stress
wanting to be in love
wanting to just be perfect
but then i think
in God's eyes i am perfect
with God i am in "love"
in God i trust.

meet Rory!!!!

this is Rory. Rory was there when no one else was at 10:30 pm on a friday(?) night.i had questions about God and started getting mad. well guess who was online so i decided to just message him and say..... "hey!" we started talking about church and he asked why i haven't been coming lately soo i told him about my quetions about God and how i was mad. he gave me great advice. he told me some amazing stuff. and he didnt use BIG words!!! he was there when i needed some one the most. soo i ever since we have been talking and he is now one of my HERO'S!!!!

when i was running low one faith you were there to tell me it was ok and God is there,God does care, and God does love me!!!!


i freakin love you!!!! (lol)


do you know Rory now???

you can't hurt me.

You cant hurt me
I wont let you hurt me
Because I wont let you get that close
I cant take the pain of you hurting me
So just go away
I don’t want you here anymore
Your just gonna leave
So you cant hurt me.
Just freaking leave.

a true friend

A true friend
Is honest
Wont lie
But will make mistakes
They have to make chooses
Decisions to
They love you
And want you there
They can’t just let you die
They will kill the reason why
Best friend its true
We can’t live with out you!

the rain

The rain
Its fun to playing
Fun to watch
Fun to dance in
Fun to love
Fun to drink
Fun to take pictures in
Fun to cry in
Because no one knows your crying

the song that i love right now.

How long must I pray, must I pray to You?
How long must I wait, must I wait for You?
How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me.
I'm on my knees, Father will you turn to me?

One tear in the dropping rain,
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye.
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why.
Cuz I'm on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father will you run to me?

One tear in the dropping rain,
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart.

So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can't sleep but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear You call my name

One tear in the dropping rain,
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart.

Hold my heart, could you hold my heart?
Hold my heart.


this is my song right now to God. i love it the first time i ever heard i was like yes yes this is the song. some many people try and help me and i love it but the question i have is how long must i pray. you cant answer that but God can.

meet sabrina

sabrina is a pretty awesome person.
allways there
never leaves
some one to talk to
some one to run to
some to cry with
she is just sabrina
she isnt afraid to be herself
from what i see.
she is
pretty
nice
understanding
loving
an amazing friend
a great person




I FREAKIN LOVE YOU!



do you know sabrina now???

meet my rock star of a twin courtney!

we have amazing adventures long and deep dissusions
sometimes but she is always there i dont have to worry about not having some one becuase between her ted and andrea i know some one will be there. she is my best friend of everything no one could have a better friend and i cant believe some of things that we have gona threw together she knows everything about and no one else does i love her and she is my bestest friend and yah~!

I FREAKIN LOVE YOU!!!



do you now my rockstar of a twin courtney now?

meet me

well you could always read my bout me butt i don't don't spend allot of time on that my name is Shelby i am the 7Th grade and i am christain. i love what god has done for me and can't believe how i have changed i still got a long road ahead but with Courtney ted Amy and Andrea it won't be easy but it won't be trebelle. i have bunch friends and love them all court is my best friends. Sabrina is a hero so is ted Amy Andrea and court. i couldn't live with out them. there all like a big family that i never had. me and my mom hate each other and me and my dad are OK. i am single and i freakin love it because it makes me feel free.


do you know me???

meet my hero ted

ted is youth pastor. and he is very interestign he tought me alot about god and how to connect with him he is one of the reason god is in my life if he wouldnt have toughtne me what he did i would have never believed in god. i dont even know if he knows that he is my hero but wants he reads this. i have many hero's but ted is my main hero becuas when i need help i know he is there with advice and he won't just give up and leave i cant really talk to me beccuase he is 28 and i dont talk to adults (dont ask) but i talk to him on email all the time explaining things and he helps me understand what i did wrong or how to help it.


do you know my hero ted now???

my friend dimond

my best friend dimond is allways there for me
she hasnt really ever let me down
we used to get into fights
and i think thats why we have such a strong friend ship now becuase we know what pisses each other off. we never let eaach other down she always has my back when mariah yells at or makes fun of me even though mariah is like her best friend. we have all the same friends at school and you cant seperate us.

she is my best friend and she will allways be my best friend at school.

she look up to me when i look down on myself! #3

yesterday i went to my aunts house where kyliegh lives and when she saw she ran straight to me ignoring every one else around her. i picked her up and sh3e wouldnt let go when ethan came to hug me she told him that i wa her shelby and you cant hug her!


she smiled and then i cooked her some chiken nuggets and then she fell asleep on her mom and when she woke she came straight to me and laid back down an fell back to sleep on me.


then where ever i went she did and now that she isnt sick she can probally come to church!




i love her!



shelby koestner!

she looks up to me when i look down on myself 2.

your smile warm's my heart
when you cry
you make me wanna die
i hold you tight
just saying its gonna be alright
when i hear you've been bad
it makes me so sad
because i am the one to blame

dear child,
dear baby girl,
i love you more then
you will ever understand
your more then just my cousin
your my precise angel

she looks up to me when i look down on myself.

kyliegh is 4 she is my cousin and she told me she wants to be just like me at first i was like thats awesome but now i cant have her be like me i am not the kind of person you want your kid to be like. her mom told me i have to change becuase i have an attude and she is getting one. i have done so many bad things and i dont want her to do some of them. i mess up all the time right in front of her. i love that girl but i cant have her be like me. she is beautifull and sweet she shouldnt throw that all away to be like me. thats why i have to change she is my reason to change. if i dont i will be scared to see what she becomes. God i need you to help me understand who to be so she wont messs up as much as i have.

HELP ME GOD HELP ME COURTNEY HELP ME FRIENDS
HELP ME!

i love you kyliegh i love you


shelby

it's raining

it's raining and storming
lightening and booming
and i am scared
i am sitting by chassidy she is keeping
me safe
the storm is getting harder
and i am scared
i have to wait for my fate
will the men in the storm
come thrue and get me
will they never find
and then chassidy says
it's going to alright!

my true loving family

even when i feel down they are there
i love soo much
and i know that what ever i do they will still
love
me
even if i screw up
and cant get back on track
my family is with andera amber courtney mikey and me (shelby)
and they are a true family that keeps my heart warm and fuzzy!
i love them and wont give up on them because i know for sure they wont give up on me!

my song to courtney

you've seen me cry
you've seen me smile
you've seen me frown
you've seen me break down
but everytime i see you
you make me smile
and everytime you say somehting
you make me laugh
and when i am crying
i just think of what a great friend
i have
and relize there's
no reason to cry
no reason to hurt your self
no reason to DIE!!!!!!

i need you i need you i need you to consume me!!!!!

o miiii goodness I need you God I need You rite here rite know I need to never leave me because I cant take it any more I want You to be there I want you stay Lord please Lord please stay with never let me go because I need You every day every hour every minute every second God I need You every moment!!!!!! every step I take I need You every prayer I say I need You every word I speak I need you! God I need You........

dear god

If only You could hear me here
Then maybe You could hear me there
I need You, God, to be with me every where I go
Even when I say that I don't need You
I really do
So, God,
Do not leave my side
And never give up on me
Because
that will teach me
to never
give up on
You

today

okay sooo i may want him but that doent mean i can have him

hey every body ummm yah
i accepted christ
1/27/08
i willl never for get that day
sooo yah
i am christain
and luv it
i am working on changing my ways
:D
<3

who am i

who am i?????
idk who am i.
i guess i am a gurl who luvs to dance and learn
i guess i am a gurl who wants to be special ed. teahcer.
i guess i am a gurl who believes in christ.
i guess i am a gurl who follows christs explampls(atleast trys)
i guess i am a gurl who never usalaly stands up for myself

the perfect kid

if i could be the perfect kid!!! no sin only god
then maybe i would be accepted by him
i dont now why but my sins arent as bad as most
but i feel that there worse in his eyes
i use to stihl(spelling)w/ my friends(well my friend would go into the dollar tree or dennys donuts and take stuff and i went w/ her i did not take stuff though but it is just as bad)
i use to lie
i use to cuss
i still cuss
i still lie
i dont stihl
but i feel that i am not the perfect kid to jesus

i mam sick and tired of dealing w/ being perfect
w/ my friends i wanna be perfect to god
no one else but god
i wish i could erase my sins
theres more sins i have sinned
but those are my mane struggles
god if only i could be the perfect child
no darkness
just light

this is too court

thanx i luv you
and ur the reason
i have
god
in my
life
and
if it
wasnt for
you
i wouldnt
be here
today
sooo thanx court and i luv you

ps there is somethin wrong

i am done

would you be mad if i gave up???
sad???
happy???
disapointed???
what if i tell you soem times i wish i wasnt here
some times
i wanna go to sleep
and not wake up for
10-20 yrs
what would you say if i said
court,
mikey,
lynna,
chass,
levi,
mommy beth,
mamma,
ted,
ken,
olivia,
jena,
melissa,
jena,
amanda
ur the only reasons i am probally still awake

the way i see my self

i see my self as gurl
who trys to make
her bffl's happy
but thats soo
hard i try
to be beutifull
but how can i be
the way they want
me
and just be me
???????