it's who i am now,

Everyday i wonder when things will get better i was never happy before, and i'm still not happy now, my heart was broken in a million peices, but than he showed me he really loved me again. i do things i would have never done before, just to feel good. i don't believe i'm beautiful, i think i'm a mistake, and i'm a waste of space on this world. i question God everyday, why he made me this way, why he put here, and yet i never get an answer, thats probally because the answer he wants to give i dont want to hear. i like the things i do, they make me have fun and help me relax, but i know they are wrong. but i'm gonna change so some people accept me, i am who i am i'm me and your you, i'm not trying to change you so dont try and change me. i guess you can say i have really changed sence the beginning of summer 09. you may think it for the worst but i believe that deep down its for the best, i dont put up with bullshit anymore, and i dont get hurt as easily. but hey, this is me, i'm sorry if i've hurten you. but thats it.

the day you loose me it will be your fault.
i can;t around for you to finally decide you need me or not.
so when i do leave which will be soon.
just hope you have made your decsion.
i dont need people in my life who bring me down
or hurt me, or lead me to believe lies.
i dont need people who dont really care.
i need people who really do love me.
who need me, and will show it.
i'm not selfish i'll give you something back.
you show me love i can show it back.
you show me respect i can show it back.
but if you show me pain, i'm just going to walk away.

today, was andrea's last day,.
i didnt go,.
im still contagus and didnt wanna get anyone sick
and maybe this was God,
but i'm not upset at all,.
i realy do believe that july 30th of 2009 i got over july 30th of 2008
i will never forget that night that she got tooken away from us,
but thats because that night made such a big impact on who i am today
and so did she
but as they say he gives and take away
God may have taken andrea from me but if gave me the chance to make friend and get close to so many other people
i no longer had her to rely on
to save me from everything i did
so i had to branch out and find someone new
something new
and i found God,
and i found someone who had been there almost all my life beckyy callahan

she is my best friend,

life hands you stuff and you have to choose what your gonna do with it.
like they say when life hands you lemons.. you make lemonade (:
you turn a sour situation into a sweet one.

just remember God does love you and he does have a plan for you
just like he had a plan for me,.


i love youh,.

shelby.

my purpose.

As i thought about what my purpose in life is i have relized i will never truely know, i have to trust God.
but i believe my purpose in life is to share God's love with everyone
to preech the Gospel with everyone
to love&to care about God's children(everyone).
to love&to live for God.
to mentor&to be mentored.
to respect&be respected
to love&to be loved
to change the life of others..
to show God's light
to not shove the Gospel down peoples throat, but to show it through myself
at the end of my life i want to stand before my God with no talent left and be able to say "i used everything you gave me."

and i know as i grow older i will find more purpose in my life, but until than i am gonna live my life for my Savior.


(Psalm 73:26 says -"My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever:)

Sorry

Sorry doesnt fix everything
Sorry can't fix a broken heart.
Sorry doesnt fix your pain.
Sorry doesn't mean anything if you say over and over again
For the same thing.
Your not sorry.
Don't say unless you mean it.
So baby, look me in the eyes and tell me what i wanna hear,
i wanna hear your sorry,
For what you said.
For leaving.
For eveything.
But baby,
i want you to mean it.

love?

What does love even mean?
The wordmeans nothing
without the action
love is those hugs he gives you
that when it happens you feel invinceable
the kisses you share
where in that moment you feel
wanted
what does love mean?
The word love means
nothing without the emotions
the happiness and the joy
the empitness of when they leave you
love affects everything.

mirror mirror

i look in the mirror
and it lies to me
it tells me I'm ugly
to fat
or to skinny
my eyes are to squinted
my nose is to big
my hair is to curly
and i believe the lies
i let them get to my head
i start wishing i was beautiful
if only i was beautiful
then maybe they would accept me
thats when i declared eating wasnt for me
people ask me questions
i dont answer
i begin to isolate myself
from everyone
and my emotions get the best of me
the cuts on my arms multiply
the tears fall like rain down my face
i feel so alone
and it all started because of that stupid mirror.

hidden secrets

she all ways was so quiet
See never asked for help
everyone thought she was fine
but they didn't know she was broken inside
they didn't know the pain she had
or even that she wanted to die
she thought no one would understand
she thought no one would even care
she would cry herself to sleep at night
she would get on her knees
and pray to God it would all stop
but it became to much to bare
and she saw Jesus that night
she has been screaming for help
she wants OK
her life was a hidden secret
only God knew the truth

teenage love

Teenage love
You think it will last forever
But it doesn’t
You give him your everything
And he’s already given it away
You have to look at youself in the mirror
You have to see the consenquences
Your stomach gets bigger every day
Its not just you he hurt
You don’t want to deal with the consenquences
You just want to get rid of it.
You wish you were pure again
But there is no rewind button in life.
You don’t know how your ever gonna make it through eachday
But you do it for the little beating heart relying on you
Everyone talks
But your friends know the truth
They even tried to warn you
But of course you didn’t listen
You wanted it to last forever
But it only lasted till IT was all over.

hate will be love

When we all join together
To make things better
Hate will be love
When we realize we’re family
In Christ
Hate will be love
Its hard to know when
Its hard to know why
But when I pray to you
I know hate will be love
God show me the way
I keep on searching
Making wrong turns
Making wrong decisions
Help me find the way
To that day
That hate will be love

don't forget

Don’t forget the good times we had
Don’t forget the last kiss we shared
Don’t forget all the laughing we did
Don’t forget how happy we were
Don’t forget about me
Forget the times we faught
Forget the times we yelled
Forget the times we cried
Forget goodbye
But don’t forget about me

its not funny

Its not funny how every night she cries
Its not funny how she believes the lies
Its not funny that she’s breaking Inside
Its not funny how she wants to die
Its not funny that nothing can make her happy
Its not funny that she has scars on her body
Its not funny that she hasn’t eaten for 6 months
Its not funny how she gave up on God
But yet you laugh?
You laugh at her tears
You laugh at her fears
You laugh at the lies
You laugh at her pain
You laugh at her scars
You laugh at her
You laugh even though
Its NOT funny.

just dance!

friends come and go. but God never ever leaves. i think that's something to party about! So grab a dj and turn up some music and just dance for your King. because no matter how hard you try to pull away from him he will never be gone. he will never ever leave. he will be waiting for you to come back. i believe that God's unconditional love is something to dance about! is something to cherish. its something you shouldn't take advantage of.

SOO I WILL DANCE I WILL SING TO SHOW MY LOVE FOR MY KING!

people allways leave

people allways leave. some come back. some stay gone. if your gonna leave just do it. dont lead me on to think that you care about me. dont promise to never leave and then leave. dont say you care if you dont. dont say the word love if it could turn into hate. if your gonna leave.. dont come back and then leave again. its to much to handle. i rather you not leave. but i cant make you stay.

PEOPLE ALLWAYS LEAVE.

meet my best friend jessica

this is jessica. she is 16. and i am 13. you would think that it would be me and her sister who would be best friends but its me and her lol. i can trust this gurl with anything and everything. she is allways there for me. we have only fought ounce and it was all a miss understanding and we were best friends again in less then 6 hours lol. we dont hang out allot. but when you get your license we will be together all the time hanging out taking random amazing crazyy pictures. i allways look forward to getting my jessica hugs on sunday and wednesday. i love texting you and talking to you when i am sick. i believe that we will be friends forever and nothing will ever chnage that. i want you to know that your secrets are safe with me. and i pinkie promise you that. i love you

lead me where you want me to go.

its been a whole year. i accepted God 1/27/08. and its been a year.. i have changed soo much. as i look back i see how i was compared to now. and i dont approve of how i was.. i did soo much i shouldnt have. i acted wrongly. God is leading me down the path to heaven. and as i follow him things arent gonna get easier but i know i can get through them with Him.i dont know if you know my story.. my whole story but you should ask sometime. i have had a great deal of pain in the last year.. but my God has gotten me through it all. i love my God. and He knows my heart and He knows me better then anyone else. He has taken many people away from me in the last year.. and i will say thats where i pulled away from Him. but i came back.. i wanna thank soo many people for being there when i do fall short.. but there is to many to list. God put you all in my life for a reason and i thank Him soo much for that. life is just gonna get harder. but i am ready cause i got my Jesus!!!!!!!!

1/27/09
Shelby Gabrielle Koestner.